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Author Topic: JOKES!!  (Read 76355 times)

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BLING_BLAOH

  • Guest
Re: JOKES!!
« Reply #150 on: July 12, 2005, 01:44:13 PM »

 [smiley=shocked.gif] [smiley=tongue.gif] Sorry bout dis one but I-man jus dat crazy enough fi put it out deh!!

The Simple Joke...  

 Two men are walking down the street...
I forget the punch-line, but your mother's a whore.

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BLING_BLAOH

  • Guest
Re: JOKES!!
« Reply #151 on: July 12, 2005, 01:45:24 PM »

Enjoy mi breden and sistren!

Osama in the Holy Land  

 Why did Osama bin Laden visit Mount Sinai?
He wanted to see the burning Bush.

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BLING_BLAOH

  • Guest
Re: JOKES!!
« Reply #152 on: July 12, 2005, 01:46:31 PM »

Here's another bad one!!

Yo Mama's Like a Brick  

 Yo mama is like a brick -- she is always getting laid.
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BLING_BLAOH

  • Guest
Re: JOKES!!
« Reply #153 on: July 12, 2005, 01:47:50 PM »

 Yu're So Dumb  

 Yu're so dumb, yu bought a solar powered flash light!    

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BLING_BLAOH

  • Guest
Re: JOKES!!
« Reply #154 on: July 12, 2005, 01:49:17 PM »

Dubya, Cheney & Jumbo  

 George Bush and his accomplice Dick Cheney were riding on an elephant. A group of bystanders were watching intently. All of a sudden someone in the croud shouted, "Hey look that elephant has two assholes on it!"
Bush and Cheney looked down at the elephants ass, confused.

[smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif]
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BLING_BLAOH

  • Guest
Re: JOKES!!
« Reply #155 on: July 12, 2005, 01:50:12 PM »

Mouth Organ  

 What is Bill Clinton's favorite instrument?

The WhoreMonica!  
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BLING_BLAOH

  • Guest
Re: JOKES!!
« Reply #156 on: July 12, 2005, 01:51:46 PM »

Yu're So Fat  

 Yu're so fat, yu step on a dollar and make four quarters.  
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BLING_BLAOH

  • Guest
Re: JOKES!!
« Reply #157 on: July 12, 2005, 01:53:39 PM »

 New Yorker  

 A Texan, a Russian, and a New Yorker go into a restaurant in London.
''Excuse me, but if you wanted the steak you might not get one as there is a shortage due to the mad cow disease,'' says the waiter.

The Texan says, ''What's a shortage?''

The Russian says, ''What's a steak?''

The New Yorker says, ''What's excuse me?''

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BLING_BLAOH

  • Guest
Re: JOKES!!
« Reply #158 on: July 12, 2005, 01:56:10 PM »

Last one for the day. Enjoy!!  [smiley=cool.gif]

Ice Fishing  

 Two men have been sitting out on a lake all day long, ice fishing. One has been having no luck at all and the other has been pulling fish after fish out of his hole in the ice. The man having no luck finally leans over and asks the other what his secrect is.
"mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm."
"I'm sorry, what did you say?"
"mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm."
"I'm sorry, I still didn't understand you." The successful man spits something into his hand.
"You've got to keep your worms warm."  
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Murungu

  • Guest
Re: JOKES!!
« Reply #159 on: July 12, 2005, 03:19:20 PM »

 [smiley=shocked.gif] Yukk!!!

[smiley=grin.gif]
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BLING_BLAOH

  • Guest
Re: JOKES!!
« Reply #160 on: July 13, 2005, 09:09:52 PM »

Bush, Einstein and Picasso  

 When Einstein died and arrived at the gates of heaven, St. Peter wouldn't let him in until he proved his identity.
Einstein scribbled out a couple of his equations, and was admitted into paradise.

And when Picasso died, St. Peter asked, "How do I know you're Picasso?"

Picasso sketched out a couple of his masterpieces. St. Peter was convinced and let him in.

When George W. Bush died, he went to heaven and met the man at the gates. "How can you prove to me you're George W. Bush?" Saint Peter said.

Bush replied, "Well heck, I dont know."

St. Peter says, "Well, Albert Einstein showed me his equations and Picasso drew his famous pictures. What can you do to prove you're George W. Bush?"

Bush replies, "Who are Albert Einstein and Picasso?"

St. Peter says, "It must be you, George, c'mon on in."

[smiley=cool.gif]
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BLING_BLAOH

  • Guest
Re: JOKES!!
« Reply #161 on: July 13, 2005, 09:19:16 PM »

Braggadocio  

 Four guys are drinking in a bar, bragging about their sons.

"My son," the first one says, "started out washing cars at a dealership, but now owns the dealership and just gave one of his friends four new cars of his choice!"

"My son," said the second, "started out serving lunch in a real estate office, but now he owns the real estate office and just gave one of his friends a new mansion!"

"My son," said the third, "started out sweeping the floors at the Stock Exchange, but now he practically owns the Stock Exchange and just gave one of his friends a $1,000,000 in stock."

"Well," the fourth guy said, "my son's turned out to be a bit of a disappointment. He's a gay hairdresser and he has SEVERAL boyfriends. On the plus side, between them, they gave him four cars, a mansion, and a million dollars in stock for his birthday."

[smiley=tongue.gif] [smiley=shocked.gif]
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Wahine

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Re: JOKES!!
« Reply #162 on: July 14, 2005, 03:22:22 AM »

Just received this via e mail yesterday. Thought it was funny so thought i'd share.

Hello, my name is Jason and i suffer from the guilt of not fowarding 50 billion $%^*(# chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, a poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a braest on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her to a travelling freak show.
Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you, and everyone to whom you send "his" e mail, $1000?
How stupid are we?
"Ooooh, looky here! If i scroll down this page and make a wish, i'll get laid by a model i just happen to run into the next day!"
What a bunch of bull$^*t.
Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my house and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing a chain letter that was started by Peter in 5 AD and brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower.
If you're going to foward something, at least send me something mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 10 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being."
I don't care.
Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending these fowards. Chances are, it's your own unpopularity.
The point being? If you get some chain letter thats threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it's funny send it on.
Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in another country with no teeth who has been tied to the ass of a dead elephant for 27 years and whose only salvation is the 5 cents per letter he'll recieve if you foward this e mail.
Now foward this to everyone you know.
Otherwise tomorrow morning your underwear will turn carnivorous and consume your genitals.
Have a nice day.

P.S Send me 15 bucks.

This was sent to me by someone else but i can understand where this guy is coming from!!!
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BLING_BLAOH

  • Guest
Re: JOKES!!
« Reply #163 on: July 14, 2005, 04:26:20 PM »

 [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif]
Wahine yu always manage fi mek yur bredren laugh. Here two for the day. ENJOY!!  [smiley=cool.gif]

An Atheist and a Bear  

 An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that evolution had created.
"What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself. As he was walking along the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. When he turned to see what the casue was, he saw a 7-foot grizzly charging right towards him. He ran as fast as he could. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing, He ran even faster, crying in fear. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pounding and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up, but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.

At that moment, the Atheist cried out "Oh my God!...." Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I don''t exist; and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as Christian now, but perhaps could you make the bear a Christian?" "Very well," said the voice.

The light went out. The river ran again. And the sounds of the forest resumed.

And then the bear dropped his right paw ..... brought both paws together...bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful."

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BLING_BLAOH

  • Guest
Re: JOKES!!
« Reply #164 on: July 14, 2005, 04:27:15 PM »

Knock knock... Midget  

 Knock, knock?
"Who's there?"

A midget who couldn't reach the doorbell!

[smiley=tongue.gif]
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