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Author Topic: JOKES!!  (Read 76719 times)

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paco

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Re: JOKES!!
« Reply #270 on: January 08, 2006, 05:27:55 AM »

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Whoever Brought Me Here, Will Have To Take Me Home - - -Rumi

paco

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Re: JOKES!!
« Reply #271 on: February 26, 2006, 07:18:53 PM »

osamas latest message:http://www.brokennewz.com/reports/myspacebinladen.html
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Whoever Brought Me Here, Will Have To Take Me Home - - -Rumi

BLING_BLAOH

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Re: JOKES!!
« Reply #272 on: March 02, 2006, 10:27:27 PM »

Nasty one comin' at yu! Don't seh mi nah warn yu!  [smiley=tongue.gif]

Doorprize  

 Josi frequently attends his church Bingo club, where every week a gag doorprize is given out. One week, Josi is presented with a toilet brush.
''What the hell is this?'' he asks the pastor.

''Why, it's a toilet brush.''

''Ooh, I see,'' says Josi. A couple weeks later, the pastor jokingly asks Josi how the brush is working.

''Well, it's okay, but I think I'll go back to using paper.''

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Mojojojo

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Re: JOKES!!
« Reply #273 on: March 07, 2006, 03:04:15 AM »

okay this one is racist but im not so...

"what do you get when you mix a mexican and a octopus, i dont know but it would make one hell of a berry picker!!
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Wahine

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Re: JOKES!!
« Reply #274 on: March 11, 2006, 11:27:31 PM »

Sorry all wombmen but i did get a giggle out of this one! [smiley=grin.gif]

Recently a "Husband Superstore" opened where woman could go to choose a husband from among many men.
It was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended.
The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to the leave the place, never to return.
A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping centre to find some husbands...
First floor: The door had a sign saying, "These man have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and said, "well, thats better than not having a job or not loving kids, but i wonder what's further up?"
So up they went.

Second floor: The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking."
"hmmm," said the ladies, "But, i wonder what's further up?"

Third floor: This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework."
"Wow," said the women, "Very tempting." But there was another floor, so up they went.

Fourth floor: This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak."
"Oh, mercy me," they cried, "Just think what must be awaiting us further on!"
So up to the fifth floor they went.

Fifth floor: The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are impossible to please. The exit is to your left, we hope you fall down the stairs."
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Wahine

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Re: JOKES!!
« Reply #275 on: April 10, 2006, 03:37:50 AM »

Just had to share this one!

"Hello, is this the Sheriffs office?"
"Yes. What can i do for you?"

"I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbour Virgil Smith. He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there."

"Thank you very much for the call sir."

The next day, the Sheriffs Deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find on marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.

Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house.

"Hey Virgil, this here is Floyd. Did the Sheriff come?"

"Yeah!"

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yep!"

"Happy Birthday, Buddy!"
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Molliebaz

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Re: JOKES!!
« Reply #276 on: April 10, 2006, 11:27:08 AM »

> Crossing the river
>
> One day, Three Men were Hiking and unexpectedly came upon
> a Large Raging, Violent River. They needed to get to the other
> side, but had no idea of how to do so.
>
> The first man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me
> the strength to cross this river."
>
> Poof! God gave him Big Arms and Strong Legs, and he was
> able to swim across the River in about Two Hours, after almost
> drowning a couple of times.
>
> Seeing this, the Second Man Prayed to God, saying,
> Please God, give me the Strength..and the Tools to cross
> this river."
>
> Poof! God gave him a Rowboat and he was able to Row
> across the River in about an Hour, after almost Capsizing
> the Boat a couple of times.
>
> The Third Man had seen how this worked out for the
> other two, so he also prayed to God saying, "Please God,
> give me the Strength and the tools...and the Intelligence...
> to Cross this River."
>
> And poof! God turned him into a woman. She Looked at the
> Map, Hiked upstream a couple of hundred yards, then walked
> across the bridge.  [smiley=laugh.gif]
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Krisb

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Re: JOKES!!
« Reply #277 on: April 10, 2006, 03:41:54 PM »

BlessingsFamily,

There was a black man, a white man, a Native American man, and a Latino
>man.  All four of them were on top of a cliff discussing the difficulties
>that their people had gone through.  The Native American said, "My people
>have suffered the most, and in Honor of what they have endured, I will
>fling myself off this cliff in hopes that my blood will change things."  So
>he yelled, "THIS IS FOR MY PEOPLE," and jumped off the cliff. 
>
>The Latino not wanting to be out done quickly looked at the other two and
>followed suit yelling "THIS IS FOR MY PEOPLE," and jumped off the cliff
>as well.  The black man was touched by this and decided it was his turn,
>so he yelled, "THIS IS FOR MY PEOPLE," and pushed the white man off the
>cliff!!!!!!!

It's all in fun,hope no-one's offended.
-kris
>
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Karissa Belll

Ganja

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Re: JOKES!!
« Reply #278 on: April 14, 2006, 12:43:08 PM »

 A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."



I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."



Police in Radnor, PA, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

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Herbalist_rasta

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Re: JOKES!!
« Reply #279 on: April 30, 2006, 07:23:28 AM »

Christian Baptism
In the middle of the baptism
The Priest said " the head of the baby is so soft"
The Beautiful Mother said " Oh Father, thats my breast"
LOL

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"better is a dinner of HERB's where love is,than a stalled Ox and hatred therewith" Proverbs 15:16

prophet777

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Re: JOKES!!
« Reply #280 on: October 23, 2006, 02:04:08 PM »

Hope this one hasn't been told yet :

Bush dies and is sent to hell. Awaiting him is the devil : "Well Bush, we have a problem. Our vacancies are full so you will have to choose a room and exchange with someone."

The devil leads him to a set of doors. Bush opens the first and peeks inside. Roasting on a grill, in the middle of the room, is Hitler. He quickly closes the door, "No not that one."

He opens the second door. In the middle of the room is Mussolini in a bath tub full faeces/crap. He quickly closes the door again, "No not that one either."

He opens the third door. In the middle of the room is Bill Clinton and Monica is giving him a bl*wj*b.

"Yeah I guess this will be it, " he says to the devil with a grin on his face.

The devil, "Okay Monica, u can go now."

One Love
Prophet7
« Last Edit: October 23, 2006, 02:05:10 PM by prophet777 »
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Muslim

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Re: JOKES!!
« Reply #281 on: October 23, 2006, 11:42:27 PM »

Haha "claps"
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you call him Jah, I call him Allah

surfmon_I

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Re: JOKES!!
« Reply #282 on: October 24, 2006, 12:20:22 AM »

 [smiley=grin.gif]
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BLING_BLAOH

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Re: JOKES!!
« Reply #283 on: October 24, 2006, 01:15:48 AM »

Yo Prophet!  [smiley=laugh.gif] Mi luv dat joke. Even though I'm not at my best right now, that doesn't mean that I don't have any jokes for yu all. Here's one to prove it!  [smiley=cool.gif]



New Priest In Town

There was an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish confessing to adultery.
One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!"

Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say instead that they had 'fallen.'

This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well until the priest passed away at a ripe old age.

A few days after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.

"Mayor, you have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep telling me they've fallen."

The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word. But, before he could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at him and shouted, "I don't know what you're laughing about, because your wife has fallen three times this week!"
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RasLuke

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Re: JOKES!!
« Reply #284 on: October 25, 2006, 04:38:46 PM »

Greetings,

I have one but might be offensive to the poster Muslim and I would wish not to cause him offence, if he says its ok I will post it, its more taking the pee out of a place in Ireland(that scumhole of a capital Dublin)

JAH Guide and Protector
« Last Edit: October 25, 2006, 04:41:27 PM by RasLuke »
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Tá athás an domhain orm nuair a chuala mé focáil an Prionsa ó Suaimhneas H.I.M Haile Selassie I. Níl aon éagla ar mo chroí mar mó chroí ar ngrá. Búiochas la Dhía.
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