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Author Topic: JOKES!!  (Read 66097 times)

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BLING_BLAOH

  • Guest
Re: JOKES!!
« Reply #30 on: February 25, 2005, 05:57:13 PM »

 [smiley=grin.gif] There are two ovaries. One turned to the other and said, "Did yu order some furniture?" The other said, "No, why do yu ask?" And the other says, "Because there are two nuts outside tryin' to shove a organ up in here."
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BLING_BLAOH

  • Guest
Re: JOKES!!
« Reply #31 on: February 25, 2005, 05:59:55 PM »

 [smiley=cool.gif]
Safe Sex

3 bums were sitting in a circle sharing a needle. Another bum walked up to them and said, "Why are yu guys sharing a needle? Yu can get STD's from doing that." The other bums said, "We're safe. We all have on condoms."

[smiley=tongue.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif]
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Murungu

  • Guest
Re: JOKES!!
« Reply #32 on: March 09, 2005, 02:17:04 PM »

Three Jamaican men are traveling in the woods, a Policeman, a Christian, and a Rastaman, and they get captured by some Trolls. The Trolls say that they are trespassing and must get a whipping before they can be allowed to go on.  

The head of the Trolls says to the Christian, "What do you want on your back for your whipping?"

The Christian responds, "I will take some Holy Oil." So they put holy oil on his back, and a large Troll whips him ten times. When he is finished the Christian has these huge whales on his back, and he can hardly move.

The Trolls haul the Christian away, and say to the Policeman, "What do you want on your back?"

"I will take nothing!" says the Policeman, and he stands there straight and takes his ten lashings with not a single sound out of him.

Next the Trolls ask the Rastaman, "What will you take on your back?"  

The Rastaman replies, "I'll take the Policeman."

Bless..
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rasta-jonesy

  • Guest
Re: JOKES!!
« Reply #33 on: March 09, 2005, 05:09:50 PM »

wot do u call a sheep crossed with a kangeroo?


a wooly jumper [smiley=laugh.gif]
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rasta-jonesy

  • Guest
Re: JOKES!!
« Reply #34 on: March 09, 2005, 05:10:30 PM »

wot do u call an elephant crossed with a fish?


swimming trunks [smiley=laugh.gif]
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BLING_BLAOH

  • Guest
Re: JOKES!!
« Reply #35 on: March 10, 2005, 06:19:42 PM »

There were two sperms. One turned to the other and asked, "How long will it take to get to the uterus?" The another one turns and says, "Oh! That's gonna take a while." The other sperm says, "Why do yu say that?" The another sperm turns and says, "Because we just passed to esophagus."
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debz

  • Guest
Re: JOKES!!
« Reply #36 on: March 10, 2005, 10:16:38 PM »

WHY DID THE DUREX CROSS THE ROAD?................COZ HE WAS PISSED AWFFF!
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Amandel

  • Guest
Re: JOKES!!
« Reply #37 on: March 11, 2005, 01:59:26 AM »

Misgana,

One night a man was was relaxing watching TV when out of the kitchen
comes his wife with a pan --BOOF!-- "a who nayme Shiela?" asked the wife, "mi disya paypa eena yuh pocket wid di nayme Shiela pon it, who is she?". The man rubbing his headback said "me and Richie did dung ah di racetrack tiddeh an dat is di nayme of di horse weh we bet pan, a wah duh yuh?!!". So the wife apologized, kissed his headback, and went back to her chores. 15 minutes later the wife storms out of the kitchen again --BOOF!! BAM!!-- "A WHA DUH YUH?!!" shouted the husband, and the wife shouts back
"YUH HORSE DEH PON DI PHONE!!". [smiley=laugh.gif]

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Amandel

  • Guest
Re: JOKES!!
« Reply #38 on: March 11, 2005, 02:01:45 AM »

Misgana,

This bwoy ah walk pon de road and car lick im dong, so him didn start to bleed but him didda knock out. Somebady say:
"Get di bwoy som suga and wata nuh". Di bwoy git up and say "Get mi som bun and cheese too".
[smiley=laugh.gif]
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Amandel

  • Guest
Re: JOKES!!
« Reply #39 on: March 11, 2005, 02:05:50 AM »

Misgana,

A rastaman went an visit ah ole family friend. So de rastaman did ah knock pon di door an smaddy inside seh: 'AH WHO DAT?'

The rastaman seh: 'I AND I, JAH RASTAFARI, KING OF KINGS, LORD OF LORD,
CONQUERING LION OF THE TRIBE OF JUDAH, SON OF HAILE SELASSIE I'

The person inside replied: 'A ME ONE DEY YAH, AN MI NAH OPEN DE DOOR
FI SO MUCH AH OONU' [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif].

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Amandel

  • Guest
Re: JOKES!!
« Reply #40 on: March 11, 2005, 02:17:41 AM »

Misgana,

This Jamaica man walks into a bank in Mahattan for a loan. He sits at the desk and the clerk asks:' What can i do for you'

Jamaican man:' Mi waan fi mek a likkle loan, bout 5000 US dallas'

Clerk:'It's possible, you can fill out this form'
In the meantime when he's filling out the form, they're having a conversation. So the clerk asks what's the purpose of the loan and he says it's for an urgent trip to Jamaica for two weeks. The clerk tells him that he would have to put something up as collateral, and he says yes his BMW , which is worth over US$ 50.000. When all is said and done, the loan is granted .

When the jamaican leaves the building, the clerk and his co-workers started laughing at the jamaican,saying things like :' oh boy these people are so foolish, who uses a fifthy thousand dollar car as collateral for a five thousand dollar loan'.
The bank wasn't satisfied with his collateral so they ran a background check on him, turned out he was rich.

Two weeks went by and the jamaican returned to the bank, to payback his loan with the interest. The clerk then asked: ' Sir why does a man your economic status takes out a 5000 dollar loan?

Jamaican answered: 'Where in Manhattan can i park for two weeks and only pay US$ 15.65 (interest money) [smiley=laugh.gif]

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Amandel

  • Guest
Re: JOKES!!
« Reply #41 on: March 11, 2005, 02:43:15 AM »

Misgana,

JAMAICAN BUS DRIVER:
Ever wonder what it would be like if Jamaican buses were set up like airlines, with the flight attendant and captain giving safety instructions?  

Bus driver speaking on the intercom:  Welcome to Bus numba 40 running from Papine to Down Town Kingston.  Please direct yuh attention to di ConDucta who will instruc' yuh on our safety and model features.  

 ConDucta:  Hail up massive!  We want yuh fi know dat yuh a ride pon di safes' bus dat run pon di Papine to Downtown route.  The moggle of our bus is a 1980 Encava, own and operate by Rough Rider transports.  Dis moggle can survive any adversities an' cantravasies.  As unnu can si dis bus get nuff lick up an' bad man shot it up nuff time  an' it still a drive like new!  

  This bus seat up to 55 passenger, howeva, due to fi we commitment to excellent service, we no leave anybady straddling ina di streets.  So expect to 'ave up to 140 people in yah by di time we reach downtown.

   Durin' di journey we may encounta unexpected turbulences.......... dese are known as pot holes. In di case of a sudden bump please refrain fram bawlin' out "Lard Jesus mi dead now!"  Our driva is an experience driva an' will mek sure di axle an' wheel noh bruck aff ina one a dem.  But in case we drap inna one an ca'an come out.  

   Please do not climb troo di window dem til unnu pay unnu bus fare....... or I will shat unnu r*ss wid mi 45.  

  Dis bus no equip wid seat belt.  Please hole on pon di railin' when dibus a tun di cana dem.  De bus is capable of drivin' pon 2 wheels 'roun' all canas an' bends.  When di bus a tun one wicked cana pon 2 wheelie, wi ask dat we seated passengers bear it if s'maddy slide dung inna dem seat an' squash yuh 'gainst di bus side.  We seated passengers may experience standin' passengers losin' dem balance an' falling ova pon unnu ... please no yell out, "ey batty bway, coom aff a mi r*ss lap!"  Dat might cause a serious shootout!  

  On exiting de bus please don' expect di bus to come to a full stop.  Wi askin' dat yuh hop aff a di bus an' step skillfull .... if unnu drap an' lan' pon unnu backside an' bruck sinting, Rough Rider noh response.  

 Dis is NOT a non-stop journey.  As a matta a fact wi stop any which part wi waan fi stop, at every yaad gate - all ina miggle road wi stop.  Howeva dis bus noh stop fi police  ... in case of an unexpected police  chase, the driva will be forced to increase de bus' normal speed from 100 mph to 160 mph.  Yuh will be instructed to hole on tight an shet unnu mout.  

    In case dis bus is hijacked by a teroris' known as "Pickpocket", hole di bway an' murda 'im, to r*ss.  Dat said, if wi reach downtown inna wan piece please prepare fi new passenger fi shoob unnu dung before unnu can get aff  Noh mine dem ..... seat kina ration.  

  Tank yuh for tekin' di iriest Rough Rider Encava pon di route.... and  hope you enjoy di ride.  

 DRIVA - PRESS OUT!  
[smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif]
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Amandel

  • Guest
Re: JOKES!!
« Reply #42 on: March 11, 2005, 02:44:56 AM »

Misgana,

AH MI MUDDAH GET LICK DUNG

A bus was involved in an accident on the busy Half-Way Tree Road on Friday afternoon.

As expected, traffic came to a stand-still, and a large vocal crowd gathered. A male reporter from one of our 'big' newspapers, anxious to get his story could not get near the bus or the victim(s). Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, " Unnuh let me through!  Let me through! A mi madda get lick-dung. "

The crowd made way for him. Lying in front of the bus was a donkey.  [smiley=laugh.gif]

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Amandel

  • Guest
Re: JOKES!!
« Reply #43 on: March 11, 2005, 02:46:53 AM »

Misgana,

TRINI TRANSLATION

USA: Aren't those pants a bit short?
TnT: Yuh expekin flood or wha?
USA: Sir, please don't throw my luggage like that.
TnT: Buh wha trouble is dis? Boy stop flingin meh grip so.

USA: Lift the hood of the car for me John.
TnT: Yute-man, fly de bonnet nuh!

USA: I love you girl.  
TnT: Ah rell check fuh yuh, yuh done know.  

USA: Oh the poor little boy is handicap.  
TnT: Look at de lil invalid...

USA: It's time for a perm.  
TnT: Gyul, yuh head need straightenin bad. Yuh doh see all de gren-gren showin.

USA: I have a stomach ache.  
TnT: Oh gorm.............. meh belly gripein meh.  

USA: He has no manners.  
TnT: He doh have no broughtupcy.

USA: WOW!........... he has such a bad body odor  
TnT: Yuh doesn't bade?....... oh shims man...... yuh smellin stink!

USA: Josh is suffering from Attention Deficit Disorder.  
TnT: Dat chile too dam harden.

USA: He has a touch of Dyslexia.  
TnT: He duncee fuh so.

USA: I need a bottle of Pepto-Bismol... my stomach hurts.  
TnT: Ah need ah purge bad... ah cork up.

USA: It's been a long time since I've seen you girl.  
TnT: A.. A...! You still alive gyul?

USA: Oh my goodness, we have lost electricity.  
TnT: Jeezanages!!...... current gorn again.

USA: Here Kitty kitty.. get down from the roof.
TnT: Ey yuh ole dutty stinkin cyat, come off de bleddy gyalvanize before ah drop two stone in yuh tail!

USA: This meal is not too bad.  
TnT: Wha doh kill does fatten and wha doh fatten does purge.

USA: Oh my, your feet are so ashy.  
TnT: Is how yuh foot and dem look like yuh was kickin flour so... yuh couldn't a rub lil coconut oil on yuh foot?
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Amandel

  • Guest
Re: JOKES!!
« Reply #44 on: March 11, 2005, 02:52:20 AM »

Misgana,

this is a killer [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif]
3 QUESTIONS:

A Jamaican is at the Gates of Heaven. St Peter: I have to ask you 3 questions before I can let you in.
Jamaican: No problem
St Peter: Which day of the week begin with the letter "T"?
Jamaican: Today and tomorrow
St. Peter: Well, that wasn't really the answer I was looking for but I'll give you the second question. How many seconds are there in a year?
Jamaican: 12
St. Peter: How did you arrive at 12?
Jamaican: 2nd of January, 2nd of Feb, 2nd of March, 2nd of
By now St. Peter is getting exasperated with this foo-fool Jamaican.
St. Peter: Final question now. What is the name of our Lord and Saviour?
Jamaican: Andy
St. Peter: Good God man, don't you read your Bible?
Jamaican: Yes, but every time mi guh a church dem sing: Andy walks with
me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me that I am his own...
 

P.S. Andy is actually And He
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